The irony of it all. The irony of someone saying it’d all be easier if we resented each other, who then works very hard to make that resentment happen, and then gets upset when we resent each other. Who gets upset that because of this resentment we have to employ anti-abuse tactics to get through repeated attempts to push us away and then pull us back in, to get through being continually yelled at even though everything’s over. The irony of someone getting exactly what they said they wanted, and then being upset about the consequences of what they wanted. And you have to admit, at the end of the day, as one of the targets of all of this abuse, you kinda have to laugh to wrestle back control of your emotions from someone else, laugh in an attempt to shrug off the deep anxiety and pain that this person always causes, just so you can go about the rest of your day and not let this person keep harming and controlling you. It’s not a derisive laugh. It’s an “ay yi yi” kind of laugh. The laugh of someone who is going through repeated and sustained trauma and is determined to not let her abuser win. Does that make me “vile”? That’s not my call. I imagine that if one is just trying to continue the abuse and prevent me from speaking out, then yes, that does make me vile from one’s point of view.