I’m finding that I’m very extremely affected by the emotional state of the people around me. This makes some old work scenarios make sense, really adds a new color to everything that happened last year, and I’m finding it’s extremely relevant right now. I am not blaming anyone, this is my thing to handle and it always has been. I just hadn’t really put it together until.. this morning I guess. Chrys submitted her two weeks notice last week! Huzzah! The stress of “will she, won’t she” is finally over!

But her burnout is still so extreme and I’ve realized that I’m getting burnt out on her burnout. It feels shitty, I feel like I can’t be there for my wife. I’m trying my best when I have the energy, but I also have so much of my own shit going on too. Like, my cat’s health and age, the way he’s either demanding I play with him at all hours of the day or just screaming his head off at all hours of the day, my own precarious and potentially worsening health, the ways my disabilities keep me from living, forever heartbreak, feeling like I’ve lost my direction in life the past few years.. and so on.

It’s all so much.

This is just, so hard right now. I wish I had anyone to lean on about this. I burnt a friend out last year and my wife is burnt out on work to the point where she can’t even listen to me sometimes. I just need someone to like, lean on.. metaphorically but also literally. Someone else who loves me and can hold me.

Her last day is a week from Wednesday, in nine days. I’m fully aware that her burnout won’t clear up immediately, but I am expecting some newfound light- and freeness to pervade the house at least. Getting rid of a massive stressor like that, even if the effects are still lingering, is still a big big big huge relief. I really need this one to be too. I don’t want to pin things on her, her burnout isn’t her fault, yet it’s also true that her burnout IS The Big Stress™️ in the house right now that it is affecting me too.

9 days.