Perpetually Postponing the Post-Passion-Post Passion Post
Iāve been trying to write up a follow up post to Figuring Myself Out that dives more into passion. I wanted to go into more detail about what it means for me to feel passion from someone and to give it as well. I also wanted to talk about what ways people have successfully communicated their passion to me and how I often like to show passion. That second part was going to be broken into mostly communication (spoken and written) and physical. For example: I love to be cuddled and held and I deeply appreciate words of affirmation and reassurance. I love sharing details of our days or our interests. And one of the ways I tend to express my desire and passion for someone is just touching them randomly and often weirdly. I obviously enjoy cuddles and casual side-by-side touch a lot, but I also poke and prod at people, squish faces in weird ways, push my face into exposed tummy, and generally just make a small menace of myself. Itās a kind of āyouāre mineā or āIām yoursā feeling but not in the possessive sense, more like appreciative that you chose me. Iām really lucky that my wife finds all of that adorable and loves it! Iāve always been afraid to express that side of me to my FPs in the past. After learning what I have about myself though, I think Iāll be able to better express that in spite of the fear.
But Iām finding it exhausting and boring trying to write a whole ānother post about that stuff. I hate the idea of posting without my heart in it. I guess if you wanna know more, you gotta get closer to me *wink*
Finally, Neurology Appointment
So that brain doctor appointment Iāve been waiting all year for got pushed off twice! It was supposed to be August 28th, then it got moved to September 8th, then finally September 15th. There was a whole fucking thing where the original doctor I was supposed to see just kinda suddenly left on āpersonal leave.ā Probably burned out. They were able to schedule me for a week and a half later with a new doctor, but then called me back because that doctor I was now scheduled with actually wasnāt even going to be in that day. Woops! But one week later, it finally happened!
I had a bit of an emotional breakdown on September 8th because fucking hell Iād been waiting all year to hear about my fucking BRAIN and then it got shoved off AGAIN. That thingās pretty important folks!
I was also trying to write a post about this all this, but you know what it doesnāt really need a whole post. The news isnāt bad. In fact itās pretty neutral tbh. The White Matter FLAIR that I talked about in that February post are indeed pretty normal. I saw a āfellowā I guess? I donāt know if she was a licensed doctor or a student, but she asked me a ton of questions then conferred with the actual doctor I guess. It was a slow and long appointment. I actually felt like they gave a shit and were paying attention. I donāt get that from doctors usually at all. They both came back after like 30-40 minutes of conference and the doctor-doctor told me that the shit on my brain is just that: shit on the brain. Dirt. Schmutz. Itās typical in people with migraines but isnāt really a worry at all. Curious that it wasnāt there in my 2022 MRI, considering Iād been living with migraines for a very long time already, but whatever. The short of it all is: some lifestyle changes, changing to a new triptan med, increasing the dose of one of my sleep meds (which is both an antidepressant (I knew this) and a migraine preventative (I did not know this)!) and some supplements for prevention. Ezpz.
We got tacos from Atotonilco afterwards since the Medical District is so close to Pilsen. Atotonilco is where my wife took me on our very first date and itās become a bit of a reward for us whenever we do stuff that takes us back down there :)
American Health Insurance Is Evil
So my wife quit her job! This is unequivocally a good move for both her and my mental heath! But now we have to figure out health insurance because this awful country thinks itās moral to tie healthcare to employment. Iām just gonna repeat something I said elsewhere:
trying to select a healthcare plan in the usa really makes you wanna burn the usa to the ground
Anyway, we think we found one thatāll be good enough until open enrollment period at the end of the year where we can try again, or see if we can actually get Medicaid for next year (no income!). Though they added a fucking 80 hour per month WORK REQUIREMENT to Medicaid since I was last on it a few years ago. I canāt work!!! A big stressor about my wife quitting was that I couldnāt provide any source of income whatsoever. Country built on eugenics is gonna keep trying to implement eugenics.
Anyway, we need universal and free healthcare, Medicaid for all, no means testing, over the counter HRT, and so on.
And there we are! Thatās a clean slate. No more lingering draft posts that I donāt really want to write in full clogging up my mind.